- The paint swishes don't work. They are really fuzzy and aren't the exact same as the brush that has been used for colouring the images. They don't add anything to the pages and actually sometimes make them too busy.
- On the "insight" spread the yellow is too hard to read and it may be better to just use one highlight colour rather than two.
- The first spread is way too text heavy.
- The script font is too busy for the pull out information.
When class began we hoped to get feedback from our tutors. Mark unfortunately wasn't happy and wouldn't have a discussion with us as we hadn't prepared our presentation. This was pretty frustrating but Gray came to our rescue and offered us some helpful feedback that:
- the "de-stress me" and "engage me" were competing too much with the heading.
- he made really good points about needing to make it really clear who our audience were and to do this it would make sense to put the audience persona first. And also make changes within our text to highlight this (for example in the "insight" bring working mum's in early.
- he also made a good point that it was important to re-think our way to well-being; "connection", as we were suggesting that hands free calling apps could be a good response to this brief when in reality they are too much of a distraction and we don't want to promote driving distractions.
Hannah and I then went somewhere quiet to work on the feedback we'd received.
We made a lot of changes including getting rid of the paint siwshes, re-ordering the document and editing our text. At this stage we thought it'd be best to print the new document for further feedback from a different tutor. These are the major page changes we made:
We took this modification to Lee and she gave us a pretty hard time in her super lovely way. She gave us a lot of really true feedback that we hadn't really thought about but was really valid:
- She told us to get rid of our "History".
- The "needs" don't make sense on the persona page right at the start. (We moved these to the "Insight" page).
- Too wordy in places, simplify it and be clear about what you're trying to get across to people. She came up with using the phrase "me time".
- Looking at the "5 ways to well-being" she made some suggestions as to other ways to interpret them. For "take notice" she brought up taking notice of the space (whether the car is clean or not etc.) and for "be active" she showed us the literal interpretation that fitted our situation of parking a walk away from work to get a little exercise into the daily schedule.
- She also tore apart our images in the nicest way possible. She didn't think they added to what we were saying so Hannah and I will re-think these.
By this time it was the end of class and Hannah and I were feeling a little shattered after Lee's comments.
Hannah didn't have much free time over the weekend which left me feeling super pressured and I am trying to do as much as I can until she can get her new illustrations to me.
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